Untethering the stickiest bits of being, it occurs to me again how much comfort we have in the self-sabotage, self-harm, self-hate, & ruminate thinking. Who are we without our pain? If we absolve those mythologies, do we disappear?
How much of our identity gets ingrained and more deeply patterned when we re-live a memory we wish we would have been different; re-tell ourselves we're trash? There is a twinge of panic when we try to stand up to ourselves and defiantly stop the harm. Compassion for the self is needed.
See your identity in halves: The old self trapped in these habits, possibly viewing your anxious spirit as an immature being that needs protection and love. The higher self that extends warmth and a hug and says, "I know this has been hard. You have coped the best you could with the tools you had at the time. It is ok to forgive yourself for not knowing what to do; for having that reaction without the awareness of why. It's safe now to stop toxic behaviors and thoughts toward yourself. You can deeply feel these pains and recognize them as a testament to your gentleness, your capacity for and need for Love. You do not need to be tough nor wrap yourself in distractions." Be oh so tender you can see where the further work lies. Recognize that the panic of change isnt real. It is ego that has kept you safe in ways that worked, but are no longer needed nor serve you. Feel it with compassion and forgiveness for the old self; for the insecurity, regret, anger. There is room for all our stories in Love. .
The first 3 of 9 images in this series shot using a strip of white paper set in different places. I shot these in the Summer of 2015 following a similar series entitled Simple that may never see the light of day. They’re all shot on film using a Canon A-1.
I’m unsure if the series is a success in my mind, but I’m proud of the fact that I did it as I created a concept and shot a succinct series that was fully completed. Something I hadn’t done since leaving university in 2012.
I still have a few rolls of 35mm and several rolls of 120 to be developed from years ago. I’m not sure when it will be, but I’m certain that in time I will be able to more easily afford the things I enjoy. For now though I’ll enjoy what I can.
Happy Birthday Kurt Donald Cobain!
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~• Today, February 20th, would've been Kurt Cobain's 52nd birthday.
Kurt has and continues to mean a lot to me in my life.
Last year, I made this edit to showcase Kurt over the years. The song is called "Divine and Bright" by the band Earth, started by a close friend of Kurt's, Dylan Carlson. Earth continues to make incredible music to this day. "Divine and Bright" features vocals by Kurt Cobain & Kelly Canary.
Music journalist and friend to the band, Everett True: "In 1987 when Matt Lukin moved out of their shared apartment, Kurt invited his friend Dylan Carlson to move in and by August of 1989 Kurt helped him record his first EP.
Kelly Canary, ex Dickless/Teen Angels singer: "I remember doing that Earth record. Kurt and me were the backup singers. It was five days in Portland." Slim Moon: "Lush broke up and Dylan had decided he was going to play guitar again, so we formed Earth. Kurt played bass for us for a bit while we were living in Olympia, but his instrument was strung for a right-hander so he was trying to play it upside down. We were like, 'You need to restring that so it works for you.' He was like 'I can't do that. Other people want to borrow it.' So we kicked him out." *Since Kurt's birthday is important to me, I'll be posting more things related to him throughout the day.
Happy Last Day of Lunar New Year in the States! Made a savory version of Tang Yuan. Traditionally a sticky rice flour ball soup with a sweet light syrup which is then stuffed with peanuts or sweet bean paste. My family’s version always made a toisan/hokkien which is savory. I honestly think the #taiwan version is the best cause it’s stuffed with meat and it’s perfect because we have our Taiwanese friends @angelaychen@m9hung to share this lovely #lunarnewyear with. Cheers and good wishes to everyone in the new year! Such a magical evening. #yearofthepig#chinesenewyear#toisan#tangyuan#chineselanternfestival#chineselanterns
If you don’t already know - I’m absolutely terrified of orcas. That is not a joke by any means. It’s a very real, very terrifying fear. Just seeing them in photo or video gives me really high anxiety and makes me want to cry. So why on earth would I go on a whale watching boat?
One of my good friends, Lindy, is obsessed with them. And when I say obsessed, I mean - OBSESSED. Several years ago she asked me to go on a whale watching tour with her, and because I love her so much - I did. We were in the middle of terrible forest and island fires from the drought - so the air and sky were already eerie. Very Smokey, grey and muddy orange. You know of course - to freak me out more.
While on the boat the orcas were swimming all the way by that island you see out there and to the left - away from us. So I looked at Lindy and said - ‘Lindy, they are going to swim towards us. I promise you they will - I can feel it’. She looked at me and told me to stop, basically to shut up and she brushed me away. They disappear and 5 minutes later the pod comes swimming straight towards us. If you watch until the end - you’ll see me shaking. I was terrified tears in my eyes. And you’ll hear her singing Micheal Jackson’s Will You Be There and me telling her ‘I told you’ lol. The captain also said I was the first person to ever go one one of his tours that were afraid. Well yea buddy - I am. I was there for the humpbacks, my favorites.
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